okay…if you’re offended by profanity, please don’t watch.  i was just amused by the viewer’s review of the beat freaks on abdc tonight.

here’s the performance on topic:

i miss having the ability to freely manipulate lives.

hayley from paramore shares story and faith.

redemption. it’s a long story.
re-demp-tion |riˈdemp sh ən|
noun
1. the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil : God’s plans for the redemption of his world.

there is something that has been on my mind for a while, now, pertaining the song, “Misery Business”. i haven’t really known what to say about it or how to say it… but honestly, after talking to the guys about it, we feel like what’s important is that we try. (whether it sounds “cool” or not). it might get a little personal but here goes nothing.

(in a week or so, i’m going to take this next paragraph down… so read up while you can, if you like details).

“Misery Business”, like we’ve explained before in interviews – and even in past LJ posts – is a true story. the song was written at a time in my life that i felt very bitter towards a girl, who i still haven’t forgiven, for a lot of things that she did a few years ago. until this person came into mine and my friend’s lives, i had no idea what power someone could have over another. i watched her use sex to manipulate one of my friends, in particular, to the point that none of us – in our little circle of friends – recognized him. he went from being someone so innocent and joyful to becoming someone who was shut off from everything. needless to say, it hurt. not only because he was a close friend but because i felt that i was in love with him. (i know, you can’t be in love when you’re this young.. right? whatever). either way… the pain that i felt, i decided to hold inside. i thought that if people knew how hurt, angry and bitter i’d become, they’d think i was a bad – or worse, a weak – person because of it. (now, to keep this from getting any longer or any more personal, i’ll finish this part of the story by saying… he eventually decided that the relationship had nothing to do with love and after that discovered that our friendship was becoming something different. we sorta fought it for a while because we figured it wasn’t smart to start dating so young, especially after what all had happened, but fighting it just made it harder and the next thing i knew, we were an item. (no one uses that term anymore, really…)

i can remember exactly where i was and what everything looked like around me when i was writing the lyrics. i forced myself to relive some of the very vivid memories that i have of the times he dated her. i don’t think anyone can understand how awkwardly dark those times were at such a young age. but i do. to finally explain my side of the story and feel freed of it all… well, i was so angry and so happy at the same time. every word i wrote was like a thousand weights lifted off my shoulders. no more burden. what i didn’t realize, as i wrote some of those lines, was that while i was escaping one burden, i was also giving myself another.

“but god does it feel so good… to steal it all away from you now. and if you could then you know you would. cause god it just feels so… it just feels so good.”

i’m ashamed to say that, although i’m a believer in Jesus Christ and i claim him as my God, when i wrote those lyrics i wasn’t addressing him. i was using his name casually. in vain, to be blunt. if you know much about the Christian religion (which i’m not too fond of addressing my faith as), you’ll probably know that one of the ten commandments is “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord your God in vain”… it goes on to say, “…for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.” As a believer in Christ, that last part scares the hell out of me. i don’t want to be held accountable for being the cause of so many people using his name in vain. you don’t have to believe in what i believe and no one in Paramore is ever going to go around forcing our faith into people’s lives… but believer or not, i might have led some of ya’ll to believe that i take my saviour lightly. and i don’t.

God brought me through everything that i say in “Misery Business”. i believe that i am a stronger person because those things happened in my life. through that situation, i learned so much. when i sing that song now, i’m not the same person i was when i wrote it. when i sing those lines that i used to sing in vain, i mean them in a different way. i don’t want to opportunity to be held responsible for causing a lot of people to use my God’s name in vain. so, whether or you not you believe in Christ. whether or not you care if it means something when you say God. just know that as for me, when I am singing those lines, i’m telling God that it feels good to stand up for myself and be victorious after long months of confusion and pain. i don’t hurt the same way anymore.

sorry this was so long winded. i know we don’t usually speak out about our faith. mostly, because our faith is personal to us. but i really felt like i needed to say something, before it was too late. thanks for reading.

the guys aren’t responsible for whatever mess this post could possibly get us into,
hayley

clip from movie, ip man, based on actual life story of ip man, practitioner of wing chun, and teacher of bruce lee.

i wonder what it’s like to know you can take down men like you’re swatting flies.

this is what you call fists of fury.

and i still remember seeing bruce lee hitting at the wooden dummy they use for practice, and for some reason, i REALLY REALLY wanted one. 

wing chun rocks.

sometimes i think, “me?  nah,  i’m a normal korean guy.”

and then other times i realize, “holy ragin’ furball!  are you part rug?”

all good.

there’s something stirring in the air…

and i almost died.

seriously.

and seven other kids.

i won’t go into too much detail, cause it still hurts to think about it,

but our church went to angeles crest christian camp for retreat.  i figured i’d been there at least ten times, if not more over the past years with yn.  it had always been fun, and snow was a good chance.

i left with the praise team and a couple of other kids, who technically weren’t supposed to be on there, but they jumped on when i wasn’t looking, and i thought, ‘eh, what’s the harm?  i’ll let it go this time.”

anyway, we went up a bit too far, so i had to turn back and head downhill.  going uphill i hadn’t had a single problem with any of the slick roads, but it turned out to be a different story coming down.

there was a large section of road that was incredibly slick and iced over, and there was nothing but shade, so i couldn’t tell from the reflection how icy it was.

but i made a turn, put the brakes on to slow down, and i wouldn’t stop slowing down.  the van just picked up more speed, and as i was trying to control the van, it spun a couple of times, and we eventually settled at a slam against the mountain, which was fortunately covered in snow.

still, no seat belts, the force of the hit…a couple of the kids did get hurt a bit (the ones who weren’t supposed to be there, ironically), though nothing major.

another car coming, a spin in the other direction, a flip of the car (which i felt coming close)…any of these things could’ve done much more damage.  so i’m thankful we’re all alive.  the funny thing is that the road to angeles crest was another minute away. 

um…i guess i could share more about how i felt, the guilt, the joy, etc…but now i feel like i’m exploiting this incident.

we’re all ok.  i’m extremely thankful for the kids to be alive (i’d be ok if i weren’t.  i’ve lived my life well.),
and the retreat turned out to be a thrilling success, with three acceptances, and about fifteen commitments to ministry as pastors and missionaries.  cliques are breaking down, and everyone’s coming together.

hope you guys all live really, really well this coming year.  thanks for being in my life and lifting me up in prayer.

a blessing over 2009.

thank you God.

…i see a generation of spoiled children being raised

        

              and it pisses me off.

last year, a musical extravaganza.  this year, a fairy tale.

i wrote this, somewhat as a nod to a short skit i had written back in 1999.  i then saw stardust, and it reminded me of what i had written.  it’s a bit of a combination of the two, and then some.

if you’re interested, below is the script.  when i first wrote it, i realized i was writing it as a novel rather than something to be acted and spoken out.  i ended up abridging quite a bit, but it’s all mainly there.

enjoy, if you choose.  and merry christmas guys.  i haven’t updated this thing for over a month.  two is it?  and i made the story to go completely along with a musical score the entire way through.  quite a feat i’d say. 
for fairy tale and fantasy purposes, danny elfman pretty much takes it home.

 

the script

    Once Upon a Time – A Fairy Tale

(1)
Once upon a time, there lived a great and kind king, ruling over the land.  He was the wisest and most gracious of all who had ever sat upon the throne. 
:18
One night, as the king sat upon his throne, one of his servants entered into his chambers with a large basket.  In the basket was a precious little child, the most beautiful he had ever seen.  The servant told him a note had been left, asking the king to care for her as his own.
(beat)
And that was what the king did.  He adopted the child as his very own.
:49
The princess grew into a delightful little girl, and the king loved spending time with her, whether it was running around in the gardens with her, picking up the prettiest and shiniest stones near the river, or simply dancing in the ballroom with their shoes off.  And he loved her with all his heart.

And as the years passed, the princess grew to be the most beautiful woman in all the land.

News had spread far and wide of her, even beyond the borders of the kingdom.  The winds, the birds, and even the stars whispered to one another of her beauty.
 1:38

***
(2)  1:43
The news had also spread far enough to reach within the walls of a shadowy throne room, where the dark prince now stood.  Hearing of the princess, he knew he had to make her his own.  Not to love her mind you, but rather to possess her, as a child has many toys.

In his employment was a wicked witch who knew terrible things, and she was used by the dark prince to gain all that his heart desired.

Asking the witch what he must do to have her as his own, she replied that he must travel to the land in which the princess lived, and to present her with this flower.

“It is a flower from the fields of forgetfulness, and if she takes but just one whiff, she shall forget her own name and all her memories shall be lost.  You may then snatch her away, for she will become willing to follow and serve you.  Give this to her when she is in the gardens of the castle.  The crows tell me that it is then that she is alone and most unguarded.”
2:59
So the dark prince took the flower,and took to flight, to reach this strange and bright land, so unlike his own twilight kingdom.  3:18

***
(3) 3:20
It was a beautiful day in the kingdom of light, as it was most days, and the princess was out in the garden alone, just as the witch had said.
 3:38  
DARK PRINCE: “Hello there.”

PRINCESS: “Why, hello kind sir.”

The princess did not realize how odd it was that a strange man in black should be resting in the king’s gardens. 
“I would like to give you this flower, though it is not as beautiful as you.”
The princess had never seen such a beautiful flower.
And as the princess took the flower and placed it under her nose to smell, the spell was cast.
4:14
Later on in the evening, the king saw that his daughter was nowhere to found.  He told his guards and servants to look for her in all the kingdom.
4:30  But days and weeks and months had passed, and she was nowhere to be found.
4:40
The king realized then that he himself must go and find her.  Removing his robe and placing down his crown, he set out, deciding then and there that he would not return without his daughter. 
5:01
***
(4) 5:03    
The king set out to find his daughter, searching and asking all that he came across.
(insert dialogue of peasants, farmers, etc.)
He had gone high and low, asking everyone that he encountered, but no one had seen his daughter.

Finally, as he sat, frustrated, angry, heartbroken, he found silence under the starry night sky.  But as he listened, he found that it was not completely silent.  As he strained his ears, he could hear the stars speaking to him, telling him that he must continue north to the kingdom of shadows.  There he would find his daughter, now a prisoner of the dark prince.

And he left at once.

***
(5)
NARRATOR: Upon arriving at the castle, he could feel darkness all around him.  He entered unafraid.

KING: “I am here for my daughter, the princess.  Release her, now.”

DP: “I’m sorry, but I know of no princess.”

(The king then saw a servant girl in chains, serving the dark prince a drink.)

KING: “Why, she is right there in front of my eyes!”

DP: “Why, whatever do you mean?  This is my servant.”

KING: “Daughter! Daughter!”

N: But the princess had forgotten everything, knowing only of serving her prince.

KING: “No!  What have you done?  What have you done?”

DP: “I have done nothing.  I have peacefully lived in my kingdom, tending to my own matters.”

KING: “Please.  I know it is my daughter.  Though dressed in rags and covered in filth, I know the face of my child.   Please, release her.”

DP: “And what have you to offer me in return?  She makes a wonderful slave for my castle.”

KING: “I shall give you myself in her place.  I, the great king shall take her place.”

DP: “Ha!  Why would a great king give up his kingdom for a child not even of his own blood?  Everyone has heard the story.  She is not even of your own.  Are you truly that stupid?”

KING: “It is not stupidity, but love.  I raised her as my own, and declared that very night that she would always be in my care and protection.  Now, give me your oath, the promise of princes that you shall release her in my place.”

(The dark prince paused, and then cried out)

DP: “So be it!  Guards!  Release the girl!  Place chains around this one.”

(However, once the king had given up his sword and was in chains, the prince once again roared.)
 
DP: “Fool!  Never make a deal with the devil!  Guards, hold her!”

KING: “No!  You have deceived me!”
DP: “Foolish king!  Haha!  To give up your kingdom for a simple child!  What are oaths to me?  I am truly sorry…heheh…truly…but now, it is your time to die.”

N: And he pulled out his dagger.

DP: “Goodbye.”

N: With that, he plunged the dagger into the king’s heart.
But something strange happened.  As the dagger was removed, a light within began to shine, growing brighter and brighter.  The dark prince, the witch and his guards were all blinded. 

DP: “No!  What is this?!  What is happening?  What are you!?  What are you?!”

N: And the king rose, removing his chains, shining a brilliant, blinding white.

KING: “You know so much dark prince, but do you not know the old stories?  I am descendent of the very stars themselves.  And what you have done is to expose the true nature of my heart in all its purity and love and starlight.  In my sacrifice, you opened my heart at its most blinding and pure moment.  And no creature from the land of darkness can stand against it.  No hate, no greed, no pride.”

N: And as the dark prince screamed, he and all darkness in the chamber were destroyed by the great light of the star king.

***
(6)
KING: “It’s over now little one.  Let us go home.”

NARRATOR: But she looked at him as one looks at a stranger.

KING: “Daughter?  It’s me. “

PRINCESS: “I don’t know you.  Who are you?”

KING: “It’s me, your father.  You are my daughter, the princess.”

PRINCESS: “I have no father.  I was abandoned by my family, and it was the prince who found me and gave me a place to live.”

KING: “No, that is not true.  It is all lies.  Hear the truth and believe.  I am your father.” 

(The king was saddened at being forgotten.)

KING: “Here. Place your hand in mine. Do not be afraid.  I will not harm you.”

N: And as he placed her hand in his, he spoke gently, his heart once again glowing.

KING: “Remember, my daughter.  Remember, that it was I who rescued you and raised you.  It was I who took you into my kingdom, into my home.  We would play in the gardens until sundown.  I would sing you a song as you fell asleep in my arms.  It was I who loved you and blessed you.  It was I who protected you from the night and its creatures.  It was I who danced with you in the king’s ballroom.  Remember.  You are my daughter.”

(And then… )

PRINCESS: “Daddy?”
(beat)
 
PRINCESS: “Oh Daddy!  Daddy!  I remember!  I remember you!  Oh, but where are we?  Look at me!  Look how filthy I am!  Oh goodness, Daddy, please don’t look at me.  I must be so ugly, so dirty.  No, don’t hold me.  I’m dirty, Daddy.”

KING: “Daughter, who was the one that would pick you up and wipe you clean when you fell on the ground?  It is not your dirt or your rags I see.  I see your eyes, and they are beautiful.  Come to me and let me hold you.  Come, let’s go home.”

***
Epilogue

NARRATOR: They returned home, happier even more than before all this had happened.  Shouts of joy rang all across the kingdom, for the princess had returned home.
(beat)
This is the story of the great star king, who rescued his daughter from the chains of the dark prince, willing to lay down his crown and sacrifice his own life for the child he loved.

And so in the end, the king had found his daughter. 

She was lost, but was now found.

i look around, and i see the world around me is falling apart.

i can only quote the comedian, “God, save us all.”